rain water from my eyes

i never used to be a big crier.
not to say i wasn't sensitive
or that i lacked a heart (as i was told once in a joking manner...because i didn't cry after seeing the notebook. give me a break. jeez.)
anyways, i don't really know when that changed
but sometime this year, it started and it hasn't stopped.
now i cry, probably at least once a week, it seems like a lot more.
in reaction to my own life,
or in movies,
or just things i see when i'm out in the world.
it's just sad, a lot of things in life are just sad.
maybe i just notice it more than i used to, or maybe it just affects me more.
i think in the past i merely failed to see the bad that exists.
not even consciously
it just didn't resonate
purely happy and sweet things in life stayed with me

and people used to wonder how i always walked around with a smile on my face
not one of those false ones either
(the ones that people place on their faces every morning to make the rest of the
world believe that everything is perfect in their hearts and minds)
i honestly don't think those pretend smiles appeared on my face.
i can assure you they do now.
not every day
it's just i now understand