magedy (that which is magical)

A few things to say before I get consumed by what the internet has to offer:
I feel good. Really I feel good, at this moment. It may change in a matter of minutes seeing as though the state of my health has been rather inconsistent lately. But currently, I feel like the sun has infused me with a kind of vigor, a zeal, a zest for life that I haven't felt in awhile. I think I may be solar powered. The more I lay out in the sun and let myself really soak it in, the better I feel. For four days in a row, it has been sunny. And for four days, I've enjoyed it. Today was especially nice. I contemplated the meanings of random and coincidence. And came to the conclusion that coincidences are nothing but meant-to-be events that we lack the foresight to predict. Nor are we supposed to know of their occurrences before they happen. Then they would lose their beauty. They would lose their power to inspire! They would lose what makes them magical. And I for one, am entirely in awe of the unintelligible events that I have witnessed and would thoroughly dislike everything in this universe to be rationally explained away. I decided that there is no way to live but absurdly, crazily, on a whim. My life seems to go much better when I don't plan it out.

feigning positivity

I woke up sick again this morning. I can't remember my immune system ever being so mean to me as it has for the past couple of months. Maybe it doesn't appreciate being referred to as a separate being. Maybe it just wants me to acknowledge that taking care of it is part of my well being. After all, it's part of me.

When I despair,
I remember that all through history
the ways of truth and love have always won.
There have been tyrants, and murderers,
and for a time they can seem invincible,
but in the end they always fall.

Think of it - always.

mahatma gandhi - early 20th century

A certain light was beginning to dawn dimly within her, -the light which, showing the way, forbids it.

Edna was what she herself called very fond of music. Musical strains, well rendered, had a way of evoking pictures in her mind. She sometimes liked to sit in the room of mornings when Madame Ratignolle played or practiced. One piece which that lady played Edna had entitled "Solitude." It was a short, plaintive, minor strain. The name of the piece was something else, but she called it "Solitude." When she heard it there came before her imagination the figure of a man standing beside a desolate rock on the seashore. He was naked. His attitude was one of hopeless resignation as he looked toward a distant bird winging its flight away from him.

-a pity for that colorless existence which never uplifted its posessor beyond the region of blind contentment, in which no moment of anguish ever visited her soul, in which she would never have the taste of life's delirium.

"No; a letter concerns no one but the person who writes it and the one to whom it is written."

"Well, for instance, when I left her to-day, she put her arms around me and felt my shoulder blades, to see if my wings were strong, she said. 'The bird that would soar above the level plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings. It is a sad spectacle to see the weaklings bruised, exhausted, fluttering back to earth.'"

She told them the fairies would fix it all right.

"In some way you seem to me like a child, Edna. You seem to act without a certain amount of reflection which is necessary in this life."

on the record player:

Blowin' in the Wind
Too Much of Nothing
Lemon Tree
Stewball
Early Mornin' Rain
500 Miles
I Dig Rock and Roll Music
Leaving on a Jet Plane
Puff, the Magic Dragon
For Lovin' Me
Don't Think Twice, It's Alright
If I had a Hammer
Day is Done

as soon as this is over,

i'm going home.

"You know, Mr. Bernstein, if I hadn't been very rich, I might have been a really great man." -Charles Foster Kane

"I can remember everything. That's my curse, young man. It's the greatest curse that's ever been inflicted on the human race: memory." -Leland

ughh...

life keeps reminding me how naive i am.
i should not have been so surprised to hear THAT.

the past

is neither a time
nor a place
it is a creation within one's own mind
to help them conceptualize who they are in the present.
therefore to travel back to it
would mean that each person would see it as they remembered it.
history seems to be colored differently for each individual.

i wonder what happens if two or three return together?

unisonance

"How selfless this unisonance feels! If we are aware that others are singing these songs precisely when and as we are, we have no idea who they may be, or even where, out of earshot, they are singing. Nothing connects us all but imagined sound."

-Benedict Anderson
(Imagined Communities)

i NEED to learn how to not overstep my bounds.

Friday, February 8, 2008

a few really good things from today:

leila, benny, and i on a 3-way phone conversation.
-i love them and their sarcasm and how they have the ability to make me quit feeling sorry for myself and realize that everyone has something in their life that sucks. just deal with it and stop complaining! they're basically the only people who don't take any crap from me. if things are ACTUALLY bad in my life, then they listen and understand. but on days like today, they just make me laugh.

the sun was AMAZING and warm. and i soaked up its rays!

i think the pair bert and ernie may be a derivative of It's a Wonderful Life...more research needed on this hypothesis.

planning this retreat with these nice people may change my life.

my voice returned!

on a recommendation to stay home from seekers:

extreme fatigue has been reigning lately.
i slept through almost the WHOLE superbowl
and most of the day today.
doctor appointment tomorrow,
hopefully they'll tell me when i can have my energy back.
ENERGY: it's part of my core being. i'm not me without immense amounts of it.
my mom told me to take a rest tonight and not go do the whole
"hello, welcome to seekers" routine.
so here i am, at home on a tuesday night.
anyways, along with all the good reading i have to do
are a lot of good pictures to view.
here are some from winter break that should have made an appearance a long time ago:






























"who are you trying to be with those red shoes...jo?"- lisa









































riding in the back of the truck gave me new perspectives on life





























my favorite still shot from that little movie

















such a great fort!





























my sister makes the best fish faces








we like to color when we go to restaurants

i take this as advice

Instants
written and translated by Jorge Luis Borges

If I were able to live my life anew,
In the next I would try to commit more errors.
I would not try to be so perfect, I would relax more.
I would be more foolish than I've been,
In fact, I would take few things seriously.
I would be less hygienic.
I would run more risks,
take more vacations,
contemplate more sunsets,
climb more mountains, swim more rivers.
I would go to more places where I've never been,
I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans,
I would have more real problems and less imaginary ones.

I was one of those people that lived sensibly
and prolifically each minute of his life;
Of course I had moments of happiness.
If I could go back I would try
to have only good moments.

Because if you didn't know, of that is life made:
only of moments; Don't lose the now.

I was one of those that never
went anywhere without a thermometer,
a hot-water bottle,
an umbrella, and a parachute;
If I could live again, I would travel lighter.

If I could live again,
I would begin to walk barefoot from the beginning of spring
and I would continue barefoot until autumn ends.
I would take more cart rides,
contemplate more dawns,
and play with more children,
If I had another life ahead of me.

But already you see, I am 85,
and I know that I am dying.

Alhamdulillah!

Hallelujah!

Praise be to God!



new goal: to make the theme from this week, the theme of my life.