There is nothing new under the sun

"Vanity of vanities,
saith the Preacher,

vanity of vanities;
all is vanity."

-Ecclesiastes 1:2

absurd

i'm not sure what gave me the notion that it would work.



HOPE
i guess

panacea

i like this word.

running.rock.shadow.my naive hatred erased.

i was feeling restless on my walk home so i decided that a nice little run would solve the problem. in an effort to get a better view of the stars i let my legs carry me to indian rock. funny thing, tonight was the first time all week that the run hasn't felt impossible. i realized that when i run normally, i look down at the ground below me to prevent a fall from occurring. what i didn't know was that this was making my run much harder. it was causing me to focus on each individual step and how difficult it was for my body. tonight i felt like looking at my surroundings. i watched cars pass and looked intently at the houses going by. nothing seemed incredibly strenuous, it was just me connecting to my immediate environment. i finally felt at ease and that there might be hope for me in this upcoming marathon. so from now on i'm going to keep telling myself, "don't look down! look forward! see the path in front of you!" (and yes, i do give myself pep talks!)

i got to indian rock and there were quite a few high schoolers. don't get me wrong, i like high school kids just as much as i like anyone else, but they just seem misguided in most of what they say...about themselves, about each other, about a lot of things. i wish they knew how to respect themselves more and not let their friends put them down. it was interesting when one would say something about another one, they would just agree, as if the their friend knew them better than they knew themselves. maybe that's the nature of the age. i remember being like that too. i'm still like that at times i suppose, but to a much lesser extent. i has a lot to do with acceptance i think and trying to figure out who you are while still trying to fit in. one of the main things i definitely don't miss about high school is the politics of it and the cliquishness. i kind of just wanted to say to them, "be who you want to be, not who they want you to be!" but, as i know from experience, this is MUCH easier said than done. it's also something that everyone has to figure out on their own. and it takes a long time. years. i wish each of the kids on the rock tonight the best of luck in figuring out their own individual selves. i hope they each become unique beings and grow to love who they are as well. actually, i hope this for EVERYONE.

i took the shattuck route back to my apartment so that i could go down the slide in live oak park. which i did! slides are one of my favorite pieces of playground equipment. i'm also a big fan of the monkey bars. AND i got to pass by my favorite shadow. i would never have predicted that i would attain a "favorite shadow", yet i have! it's this beautiful tree that i only seem to pass by at night and there's a street lamp near it. therefore, i frequently see the shadow caused by the light the lamp casts on the tree. it's a particularly whimsical shadow; i think that's why i adore it so much.

my little journey ended with a sit in the poetry garden. the children put up new pieces of art work on the fence and new flowers have bloomed! i sat down on a much smaller rock than the one from earlier in the night (but by no means less important) and reflected on my week a little. it became bitterly obvious that i've been proclaiming so long to hate something and am finally realizing that i've been very wrong. running's actually pretty good and it seems as if my body's begun to desire it. haha, i always thought i was a dancer...maybe i've been misguided....nah. all this running business has the potential to change my life though. what a lesson huh?

p.s. i'm not giving up dance. it's in my soul.

?

something just sounds inherently wrong to me in the statement:
fighting to establish a peaceful moral order

reJOYce

i've said this a few times recently:
my life has settled into a serene, peaceful joy.
something that i've felt before, but never quite as consciously.
it's not even an extreme happiness
such that i wear a huge grin continuously.
it's more like a slight smile...barely even distinguishable...
but i just feel it
even my eyes are smiling!

i like what i read
i like thinking about God in EVERY class.
i like thinking about God in almost every aspect of my day.
i like that God is ever present, literally.
i like learning about Him from different perspectives
and why people feel they need Him in their lives
and why some don't.

At times God is personified as a Him.
At times God's an ambiguous It.
the connection
the possibility of all things
love
everything
existence
light

and the need to completely understand has left me.
but the desire for a deeper meaning only increases with every page i read and every detail that i observe in life.
ah i just love it.
new questions, new theories, new conceptions
new new new
everyday
it's exciting
and exhausting
but i wouldn't have it any other way.
i'm definitely on my way to insanity and i'm loving every minute of it.

i'll never quit trying to think about things i'll never be able to conceive.

mmm hmmm.

I've been posting this on EVERYTHING it seems, but that's just because it's so true!
I'm not quite finished with the book yet, but hopefully I'll get there soon.

It's the great mystery of human life that old grief passes gradually into quiet tender joy.
-The Brothers Karamazov

I'm becoming more and more fond of this Dostoyevsky fella...and I've never even met him!

A video for Benny

just because the video's not quite epic, doesn't mean our friendship's not. ben you're great!
(my favorite part about this one is when jo and i start putting our feet up in the air)

conversation with jo

must watch these at the exact same time!!!!

life in the moffit underground

making movies in the library. hahahahahahahahah!!!!!

oh where is the moon?
i cannot find her.

adam tyler hughes

this is my brother adam. today is his birthday. he's easily one of my favorite people. i miss him a lot. a couple days ago father al had us do a meditation. he told us to let our minds settle on one person, an important person in our lives that we felt comfortable with. my thoughts led me to adam. i couldn't say why. all i can say is that i felt serene. just me and my brother sitting together on the couch. and i knew i was home.















































i'm so grateful God has blessed me with this brother of mine.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADAM!!

I am...

...a child.
I am growing.


I'm very grateful for Father Al's presence in my life.