would YOU stay in Phoenix for another year?

Would ya?
Would ya?

This place is a HOLE

but the children have captured my heart
and i've never had a space which to call my own
entire autonomy
such a challenge
and so much growth to be had!

Will I be ready to quit it all come August?
To give up all that I'm currently working towards?

I don't have to.
They'll let me stay.
In fact, I think they'd want me to.

But this city....
OH IT'S LIKE DEATH.

At what cost would I staying?
What would be sacrificed?

More contemplation is to come.

This one really hit home

A Prayer for Children:

We pray for children who sneak popsicles before supper,
who erase holes in math workbooks,
who throw tantrums in grocery stores and pick at their food,
who like ghost stories, who can never find their shoes.

And we pray for those who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire,
who can’t bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers,
who are born in places we wouldn’t be caught dead in,
who never go to the circus, who live in an X-rated world.

We pray for children who sleep with the dog and bury the goldfish,
who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
who get visits from the tooth fairy,
who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money.

And we pray for those who never get dessert,
who have no safe blanket to drag behind them,
who watch their parents watch them die,
who can’t find any bread to steal,
who don’t have any rooms to clean up,
whose monsters are real.

We pray for children who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
who shove dirty clothes under the bed, and never rinse out the tub,
who don’t like to be kissed in front of the carpool,
who squirm in church or temple and scream in the phone,
whose tears we sometimes laugh at and whose smiles can make us cry.

And we pray for those whose nightmares come in the daytime,
who will eat anything,
who have never seen a dentist,
who aren’t spoiled by anyone,
who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
who live and move, but have no being.

We pray for children who want to be carried…and for those who must be,
for those we never give up on…and for those who don’t get a second chance,
for those we smother…and for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it.

props to the pops

hot off a phone call with the one art hughes, which always seem to be intellectually stimulating, thought provoking, home beseeching, infuriating, fruitless, fruitful, enriching, and grounding simultaneously

he has a way of irking me to an extent that is healthy. never exacerbating. his questions are both imploring and respectful. he rarely condones what i have to say, but when he does it is with gusto and enthusiasm. he makes me work hard to convince him that the words i say are important. he causes me to speak with fervor and passion in order to ensure that i am getting my point across in a cohesive and coherent manner. he understands and is not afraid to disagree or agree with me. he is nonjudgmental. he does not apologize for his beliefs; whether they be against the grain or fully instep with the rest of society.

he is one in a million.
i only have respect for him.
he's simple. through and through.
he works hard. very hard.
he knows how to indulge.
he knows how to communicate.
he's never seemed haughty or too good for anyone.
he's pleasant and wants to know people.
he's got a good heart and he knows that he's a good person.
he tries.
he's funnier than anyone else i've ever met.
i love him boundlessly and i continuously wonder how i am so blessed to have him as my father.

Interrogatives for myself.

What is this life I have?
Who are these people I know?
When did I become this person?
Where do I go from here?


Only when I view my life in tiny bits and pieces does it even begin to make sense. Everyone I see and speak with on a regular basis is new in the grand scheme of my life. I am on a quest to become insensed with the life I currently have. Reflection helps and I can't believe that Lent is arriving at a more serendipitious moment.

Should I view my thoughts/ideas/emotions from a new perspective now? No. Well, maybe.

I feel at peace. aware. joyous. understood. loved. more than I ever have before.

I have a long way to go, but I know myself and I have my faith to guide me. It's all I've lived on this year and I'd say that I'm pretty darn fulfilled.

something to ponder:

"The world would be better off
if people tried to become better,
and people would become better
if they stopped trying to become better off.
For when everyone tries to become better off
nobody is better off.
Everyone would be rich
if nobody tried to become richer,
and nobody would be poor
if everybody tried to be the poorest.
And everybody would be what he ought to be
if everybody tried to be
what he wants the other fellow to be."

-The Catholic Worker

you know how there are just some people who, in merely being themselves, allow you to be better yourself?
all i have to say is: thank God for their existence.

"i am who i am by the grace of God"- a message from Paul that i received in mass today. i'm going to try and hang on to it for as long as possible.