running.rock.shadow.my naive hatred erased.

i was feeling restless on my walk home so i decided that a nice little run would solve the problem. in an effort to get a better view of the stars i let my legs carry me to indian rock. funny thing, tonight was the first time all week that the run hasn't felt impossible. i realized that when i run normally, i look down at the ground below me to prevent a fall from occurring. what i didn't know was that this was making my run much harder. it was causing me to focus on each individual step and how difficult it was for my body. tonight i felt like looking at my surroundings. i watched cars pass and looked intently at the houses going by. nothing seemed incredibly strenuous, it was just me connecting to my immediate environment. i finally felt at ease and that there might be hope for me in this upcoming marathon. so from now on i'm going to keep telling myself, "don't look down! look forward! see the path in front of you!" (and yes, i do give myself pep talks!)

i got to indian rock and there were quite a few high schoolers. don't get me wrong, i like high school kids just as much as i like anyone else, but they just seem misguided in most of what they say...about themselves, about each other, about a lot of things. i wish they knew how to respect themselves more and not let their friends put them down. it was interesting when one would say something about another one, they would just agree, as if the their friend knew them better than they knew themselves. maybe that's the nature of the age. i remember being like that too. i'm still like that at times i suppose, but to a much lesser extent. i has a lot to do with acceptance i think and trying to figure out who you are while still trying to fit in. one of the main things i definitely don't miss about high school is the politics of it and the cliquishness. i kind of just wanted to say to them, "be who you want to be, not who they want you to be!" but, as i know from experience, this is MUCH easier said than done. it's also something that everyone has to figure out on their own. and it takes a long time. years. i wish each of the kids on the rock tonight the best of luck in figuring out their own individual selves. i hope they each become unique beings and grow to love who they are as well. actually, i hope this for EVERYONE.

i took the shattuck route back to my apartment so that i could go down the slide in live oak park. which i did! slides are one of my favorite pieces of playground equipment. i'm also a big fan of the monkey bars. AND i got to pass by my favorite shadow. i would never have predicted that i would attain a "favorite shadow", yet i have! it's this beautiful tree that i only seem to pass by at night and there's a street lamp near it. therefore, i frequently see the shadow caused by the light the lamp casts on the tree. it's a particularly whimsical shadow; i think that's why i adore it so much.

my little journey ended with a sit in the poetry garden. the children put up new pieces of art work on the fence and new flowers have bloomed! i sat down on a much smaller rock than the one from earlier in the night (but by no means less important) and reflected on my week a little. it became bitterly obvious that i've been proclaiming so long to hate something and am finally realizing that i've been very wrong. running's actually pretty good and it seems as if my body's begun to desire it. haha, i always thought i was a dancer...maybe i've been misguided....nah. all this running business has the potential to change my life though. what a lesson huh?

p.s. i'm not giving up dance. it's in my soul.