Desiderata- Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

- 1927

This is

who we are!

Vonnegut strikes again!

I have now been introduced to a fabulous human being: Eugene Debs. Here is what he said,

"Your Honor, years ago I recognized my kinship with all living beings, and I made up my mind that I was not one bit better than the meanest on earth. I said then, and I say now, that while there is a lower class, I am in it, and while there is a criminal element I am of it, and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free."

September 1st

Los Angeles was more receptive to me than I was to it.
Yet, still very hard to assimilate to.
I say this as if it happened decades, years, months, even weeks ago.
It didn't.
A few days have passed.
Maybe ten or so.
Give or take 3 days.
I am just beginning to like it here.
But I still despise some of the trends,
and the fact that I now own a car.
I like the vibrancy of the streets and proximity to the beach.
I love the cool winds that enter the windows every morning
and continue on throughout the day until evening.
I get so excited to come home every night to a welcome feeling of love!
There is no longer a pull from some other place,
nor is there a need for my presence to be elsewhere.
Everything is as it should be.
I feel peaceful when I drift off to sleep at night.
But I terribly miss my simple life.
The one that consisted of bicycles and homemade hummus,
of nightly family style dinners and tiny faces greeting me every morning,
of beautiful sunsets and heat beyond belief,
of daily frustrations and accomplishments,
of heartbreaking stories and the overwhelming desire to do good.
My life was changed forever due to those things
and I will never see through rose colored glasses again.
But I do have a partner to walk with me during life's trials now.
I like the dinosaur sheets that we sleep on.
I like that we watch cookie monster on youtube.
I like that we listen to paul simon records.
I like that we ride bikes to the farmer's market.
I like that we eat chocolate cake at Ikea.
I like us. Actually, I love us! Everything about us.
Next up: an income that actually pays for everything,
A life that is infused with my values of past and present,
A faith that is truly God's and my creation.

And so I go

tomorrow
the biggest move I've ever made
not in terms of possessions
nor distance
nor a career path
this time, it's not just for me
for the first time in my life, it's specifically for someone else

And what is a life without love?

you make me, me
just by you being you

Some things I've needed to say, but

• Haven’t had words
• Haven’t had the time
• Haven’t had the energy

To one:
Congratulations! I know you need my support right now and I am so sorry I can’t be there. Don’t worry, you will be fine. You are blessed!

To another:
I love you. Even though you’ve never depended on anyone before, you can depend on me and I will always be there. Please never forget that.

To a third:
I am sorry that I hurt you. I think about you everyday and you are important to me. I hope you know I still care. When I can finally back up how I feel with what I do and what I say, things might go back to normal. Until then, thank you for understanding.

To a fourth:
I miss you everyday. You help keep my faith strong and without you, sometimes I forget God exists.

To a fifth:
You’ve always been a better friend to me than I have been to you. I don’t deserve you and yet you are still there.

To a sixth:
Thank you for continuing to make me smile. You have touched my soul.

To a seventh:
If only I could see you more often! You make me feel like I legitimately help you when you trust me with the questions of your life. And you remember me even though I’m far away.

To an eighth:
Thank you for loving me even though I can not return that love in the same way.

To a ninth:
Thank you for being more daring than me. It’s inspiring and motivating and real.

To a tenth:
I know you care. And, at the same time, you don’t give a shit. Everyone knows you are higher than number ten, and yet you will never give me any grief for putting you last on this list. Thank you for being there for me, being constant, even though I haven’t been there for you.

To all:
Most of the time I am unable to express how blessed I am to have so many substantial individuals who act as a graceful presence in my life. I am so grateful that I know each of you. I wish I could make each one of you understand what a struggle it has been for me to not be able to contact you more frequently this year. But, overall, I am extremely exhausted.

I am mostly saddened by what I witness everyday and tired that it never seems to improve. I have experienced so much that I have not been able or willing to share with you. I realize that it is my fault for the distances and rifts I have created in some of my relationships, but my place this year was never to be with you. My place this year is to be with my kids. So for this one year of my life, I am sorry that I am not dedicated to my relationships. I know this is detrimental and in some cases (although I hope not) possibly caustic. I keep you all in my heart and in case I have not found the time to tell you recently, I love you deeply. You have each played a substantial role in making me who I am. Thank you.

Come August, I hope to reinvigorate each relationship I have and invest some much needed time in them. But for another month, I will come home everyday and spend time with my community and myself. Reflect and try to figure out why the hell the world is so fucked up. Innocence is lost. Children are corrupted and not taken care of. And all I can do is stand by and watch. All I can do is be one positive voice in sea of a million negative ones. All I can do is cry and hope to God that each child is alright, even though I know that they are not. I will continue to try to be hopeful when I actually am helpless.