Friday, May 9, 2008

marriage update

i just got off the phone with my wife. here's a little bit of our conversation:
xio: do you think love is forever?
me: yes. i believe love is eternal.
xio: what about people who get divorced?
me: i think that the love that you have for the person when you marry them never changes. you will always love the person you married, but you might not love the person they become. that's why marriage is so hard. because you both have to change and you have to love the person that each other is changing into. i think people get divorced after 20 years because they realize that the person they are with now is not the one they fell in love with and too much has changed to fix that. once you love someone, you will always love who they were at that moment, even if they become someone who you can't love at all in the future. eternal love is formed in mere moments.

a time later:
xio: did you love your wife when you married her? and do you love her now?

me: yes, both. i loved her when i married her because she helped me during a time when i was still really confused and didn't know what i believed or where my life was going. she provided a lot of emotional support when i needed it. now i'm more independent. i have a much clearer understanding of who i am and what i want in life. i can deal with more on my own now. so her purpose in my life has changed, but i still love her.
xio: i don't know if i've ever told you this, but i'm sorry for being a burden to you. i requested a lot from you and you didn't deserve it. i put you through a lot on purpose. thank you. i loved you when i married you and every moment since then...well some moments less than others, but i still loved you.

so i realize that this type of dialog may be unfamiliar to most people. the type of friendship that my wife and i have has always been different than all of my other friendships. for a long time it was burdensome for me. haha, a lot of times it was more dramatic than any of my relationships with guys. jeez. not so much anymore though. i love my wife just like i love all my close friends. eternally.

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