i just got home from having lunch (tuna melt. delicious.)
with my all time favorite teacher, mrs. nixon.
wow, i've known her for just about 10 years now.
(i didn't realize it'd been that long until this very moment)
her daughter, whom i've known for the same period of time, was there too.
during lunch, it became obvious to me just how much i HAVE changed.
not my sense of humor...i still find almost everything funny.
and i laugh on a regular basis.
it has more to do with how i relate to people and things.
shopping, materialism, appearance, what's "in style", etc.
i think i just used to be more in tune with popular culture.
more of a, dare i say, fashionista (haha, what a ridiculously great word)
i'm pretty sure i used to pass more judgement on people based merely on their clothes or hair
ha! as if i had some sort of authority.
i used to know what was the fad and the style and was a part of it.
well, i don't think i'm entirely out of the loop now
i think i dress well and am adequately styled.
but it fits my personality better.
more flowy dresses and pretty colors.
not necessarily apparel that is "in" per say,
just that expresses my character a little more adequately.
with all this in mind, especially my ever changing ideas with respect to physical appearance,
i'm worried about the future.
i feel like my ideals are changing and i like what they are moving towards.
yet at the same time, i know that to be professionally successful i'm going to have to conform.
i'll have to revert back to some sort of societally acceptable dress code.
to be respected in certain fields of work, i'm going to have to play by the rules.
so i know at some point i'll be faced with a dilemma.
and at some point, end up losing the self that i'm still becoming.
i want to erase the part of me that is conscientious of what i look like,
the part that cares if others approve.
at the same time, i want to recognize that it is part of me and accept it.
plus if i erase it....what will happen to me in the future?
i need all parts of me. and i need them to work in harmony.
i need to find a balance somehow
and with everyone else.
but then again,
i NEVER want to forget the meaning of the word progressive....