Influenced. No longer influential.

I realized that I've come to a more reflective state in my life.

It has caused me to be a bit sad though.

In conjunction with reflection comes a lack of friendliness.

I used to smile and wave at everyone I knew. I used to engage in polite conversation with strangers just for the heck of it.

Now I sit quietly, shyly even. No more first attempts for me.

I do this because people I was close to taught me that it is not my sole purpose in life to make sure others are happy...To make sure they are comfortable...To talk about things that I don't agree with just so that they are engaged. I learned that it is OK to walk around all day with my hood on and avoid personal interaction if that is what I need that day.

I miss being the girl who said hi to everyone though.
I see her in other people.
But it's not me anymore. Some days I wish it was. And some days I'm glad it's not.

I miss being the one who made a small difference each day.
Just because I was cheerful.

I wonder now if I've just become selfish.
At what point does critical examination of the self become self absorption?

I hope one day I can be truly selfLESS.