all i really want to do is

sit here in my room and read.
i have sooo many interesting books just waiting
for my eyes to skim their pages
and plunge into their words

but my phone just keeps singing.
i'm about ready to enter defenestration city!
seriously, send this ringing machine right out the window
and out of my life.

how long can i cut off contact with the outside world for?
my mother will send out a search party
within a few hours.

shouldn't i be thankful?
shouldn't i be happy that i have so many people in my life
who actually want to talk to me
who care enough to call
to check on me
to make sure i'm okay
who value my opinion
or wish for me to comfort them
or find serenity in a silence of knowing someone else in on the other end of the line

i wish i was more grateful
i really do
i fear that in the end i'm just going to end up lonely
with a lot of "good" books left to read.