letting "you" go

today was just good all around.
surprisingly good.

a good interview.
with ruffles. :-)

the student peace alliance is in its infancy and i am going to be on the team that helps bring it to fruition.

so many new students at seekers with positive things to say.
affirmations abound!

the french language is difficult.
but i'll learn it if i have to.
nothing's going to stand between me and the peace corps.

today i gained my confidence back.
some of the positive energy that is innate to my being reemerged.
thus, allowing me to see that i'd been missing a prominent piece of myself.
for an indeterminate amount of time, i've been measuring myself with someone else's ruler.
someone else's standards.
wanting so much to be what i "should"
mistakenly led me to not be what i could.
no longer will it matter if i am not who you think i am.
as long as i am content
your thoughts about me hold no significance.

and from this day forward, the "you" who i refer to
will no longer be you.
thank you for giving me the sadness/anger/courage/desire
to return the borrowed lenses of yours which i saw myself through.
hopefully now, with my own frames, my perspective will be clearer.

no more pretending
or waiting
or hoping
or justifying.
from now on,
ALL I WILL BE IS ME.