I'm already wanting to visit!

2. We're a total spectacle. My field director, Kelly Jo, who is a lunatic and who would get along like white on rice with one Juliette Hughes, decided to lead a group yoga session outside at the mission today, and by about two minutes in all of us white folk in yoga pants rolling around in the dust had attracted a crowd of 20+ Rwandans, looking at us with a healthy mix of amusement, horror, and disgust (incidentally, my favorite emotional cocktail). We're wearing our weirdness proud and it's sweeeeeet. -Jo.

So many butterflies!

Peppermint hot chocolate
Laughing laughing laughing
That little drive was so worth it!

Can I ask you a serious question?

Is it worth it to try to transcend space yet again
just because timing appears to be so pivotal?

but i never really needed a Reason

I have good reason to believe God exists.

Everything that I have asked for (truly desired),
I have received.

Any questions that I have had,
have been answered (in due time).

Perspective always came after patience kicked in.

I am not fulfilled.
I miss being challenged!
I miss feeling as if I have a purpose!
I miss feeling utilized and needed!
I miss being around intellect and ingenuity!
I miss being around optimism.
I miss being optimistic!

On my bike rides in the morning, I draft combinations of words in my head. Upon arriving at work, I always forget to put them down on paper somewhere. Thus they are lost forever. They must have been words only meant for me I suppose. I'm officially done with 1/3 of my JVC year and I can already tell that leaving here is going to be one of the most difficult things I've ever had to deal with. Lauren, Cassie, Eileen, and Vanessa will never know the effect they've already had on my life. To live one day apart from them in the future is going to make me cry. But for now, I'm just going to rejoice in the fact that I get to go home for Christmas in one week and chill with Art and Vicki for awhile. Then I'll come back to the cold Phoenix and pick up my life right where I left off. :-)

I, quite possibly, just saw the most majestic sunrise I've ever seen!
Oh, the beams of light!
Oh, the radiance!

Today I feel...

especially happy!

Definitely a Thanksgiving for the Record Books

My first pie!!
The Thankful Tree

Twilight

"Shenanigans"....

my favorite!

http://www.markjanzenphotography.com/crystalynne-and-nick-a-woodward-park-engagement-session/

excuses excuses

I think I've quit posting for fear that everyone will recognize me as less interesting/creative/contemplative/intelligent/exciting/inquisitive/spiritual/etc... as I was in my previous life.

the moon peers out from behind the clouds. it's such a delight!

today i feel

sad.

life changing moments

continue to occur in my absence.
yet they are entirely affecting how i see my future.

i will pray for you every day.
know that i support you and will be there for you.

where to go, where to go, where to go???
that's a work in progress.
i'll let you know when the indecision has ceased!

the banjo stole my heart

This song is so cute!

days are composed of small victories

flowers of purple, orange, fuchsia, yellow all convene to delight my senses as clouds simultaneously break their silence, allowing the Lord's omnipotent rays to pass through

the splendor of the morning continues to amaze me.

I was just informed by my boss that, as of Monday, I will be relieved of my duties in the infant room! I must say that it has been a good experience, but THANK GOODNESS. My prayers have been answered.

For some silly reason, the toddler teacher has chosen to play Christmas music all day! It made me laugh initially, but now I like it!

Happy October!

I honestly can't believe I've made it to this point. It's almost the end of our second month of JVC!

Morning musings

Amidst my usual morning prayers and special intentions during the morning bike ride, I added in a prayer of thanksgiving for sprinklers and trellises! They suplemented my ride so pleasantly that I just needed to say thank you for their creation. Haha, and then we passed a church marquee that has a tendency to be kind of humorous and/or clever. It said: Seven days without prayer make one weak. And now, time to start the day!

The breeze!

We walked outside this morning and there was a cool breeze for the first time ever!
So fitting for the beginning of fall!

"Make Me a Servant"

Make me a servant, humble and meek,
Lord, let me lift up those who are weak.
And may the prayer of my heart always be:
Make me a servant, make me a servant,
make me a servant today.

OH MY GOODNESS!

Am I ever so glad for the work day to be done!
After lunch was so much better!
I went back into my room to find three sleeping babies.
Two had gone home.
My eternal gratitude goes to Valerie, who calmed the stormy seas of infant-land!
I honestly almost started crying during lunch.
My eyes welled up and then I decided to call my dad.
I told him about my five crying babies and he chuckled...obviously having gone through worse things in his life. Then he said he'd gladly trade my dog who barks all night long for all the babies! What a jokester!
I needed a hug...and I got one in the form of dad on the phone.
The silence of the room when I returned had never felt so essential and necessary.
Today was so hard, but we made it through.
The babies all went home with smiles on their faces,
and their mothers all picked them up in gratitude.

Hahaha, and I couldn't help but laugh when, on three separate occasions today, a baby went to the bathroom while I was changing them! Good thing I had the diaper there to block it. Either I'm crazy or my job actually is humorous because I just started laughing! Thank goodness for comic relief.

Oh baby! Looking forward to 8 AM tomorrow....

I am the interim infant teacher.

5 babies
all crying simultaneously.
Do I have to go back after this lunch break?

One baby crying: heart wrenching.
Five babies crying: utter terror.

At some point in time, they all go to sleep....

Today:

6:10 wake up
7:10 leave the house on our bikes
7:45 arrive at work
8:00 find out Valerie is out sick again
9:30 give breaks to the teachers outside
11:00 the infant teacher has an anxiety attack
11:15 she goes home unexpectedly
11:16 I am asked to cover her room
11:30 baby falls asleep on my shoulder in the rocking chair
1:30 eat the first turkey sandwich I've had in about 2 months
2:30 bananas bananas bananas
4:00 scrub two high chairs till they shine
4:30 breathe out and prepare to ride home

What does it mean to count my blessings?

It means to understand that I live in abundance.
Not in riches or glory, but abundance nonetheless.

I have good food to eat every night and friends to dine with.
I have a shower and soap to cleanse myself with at the end of the day.
I have a bed to sleep in.
I have all the amenities of a comfortable lifestyle that I could possibly imagine.
I will not say that I can’t complain, because I can and do.
I will not even say that I don’t deserve to complain; everyone knows when their life could use some improvement.

What I will say is this:
I live in abundance.
I have chosen my life.
Everything I lack is because I decided that I can live without it.
I’ve done this to learn.
I’ve done this to appreciate my life more.
I’ve done this to release myself from reliance upon material items.
I’ve done this to introduce myself to a new way of thinking.
A life which is flexible and can compromise.
A life which seeks opportunity and does not dwell on what it lacks.
A life that is mature enough to know the distinguishing characteristics between true needs and wants.

Let me ask you this:
Do you know a girl, who comes to school with no underwear because her mom can’t afford any?
I do.
Do you know a 27 year old mother of three who is homeless?
I do.
Do you know a child who eats two servings of both breakfast and lunch at school because there is barely any food at her own apartment?
I do.
Do you know a confused, upset single mother who can’t rid her apartment of bedbugs and whose one year old son gets bit by them nightly?
I do.
Do you know a boy who only finds solace in his teacher, who is more nurturing than his own self-obsessed mother?
I do.

Think about the realities of your life?
What is your biggest problem?
Is it really irresolvable?
Is it really worth getting upset over?
Do you not already have everything you honestly need?
Have you not been blessed beyond belief?

It's about time I said something real

Hello, hello from the desk I share with two other people! Everyday I get off of work at 4:30, but I wait for Eileen, who finishes at 5, so that we can bike home together. One of my fears: that my vocabulary is decreasing...I don't have time to read as much so I feel like I'm gaining/retaining knowledge at a much slower rate than when I was in school. Do I like it here? Yes and no. I like that I'm doing something different and learning about reality through the people I see on a daily basis. The heat doesn't bother me too much. As a matter of fact, I'd rather be hot than be cold. My body is just taking a beating due to my job and the commute. 10 miles a day in the furnace of Phoenix is taking a toll. Also, my immune system can't quite keep up with all the illnesses that are present here at the shelter. There are multiple children out everyday because they are some sort of sick. I've caught at least one or two things and I'm just sick! Plus, I have new tasks everyday. Some things are the same, but the name of the game is fluidity and flexibility here. If I don't bend, then I definitely will break. Pray that I don't lose my optimism because I feel as if it might be fleeting! And here of all places, I need to try and smile as often as possible. Time to go! Another day, another dollar?

oh happy day!

I FIXED A BIKE!

Our bikes have been plaguing us!!! We'll fix one thing and then something else will go wrong. BUT, yesterday, i finally went into a bike shop entitled The Slippery Pig and salvation occurred. Oh my goodness, the guy was so nice to teach me how to do all the things I couldn't pay to have done. And they worked! The bike is FINALLY in working condition and I don't feel like quite the naive rider that I once was. I may (fingers crossed) be able to put one together one of these days. I AM EXCITED!

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike! I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike!

The novelty is beginning to wear off...

and reality is setting in.
This is my life.
I live here now.
This is what I chose.
I am here for a reason.
I am where I am meant to be. I need to...

Accept it.

Thomas Merton

Last night for spirituality night, we read a few Thomas Merton letters and discussed them. We let the conversation lead itself where it wanted. Sometimes to seriousness; sometimes to utter silence; sometimes to humor. Discussing God is profoundly different here with these ladies. I like that we do it, but I sense a bit of uneasiness or tension grappling with the subject. I hope this year and our exposure to God in one another is good for all of us.

The Rising Sun

I took this immediately after waking up this morning.
This is my Phoenician street.

Work is getting better!

I'm feeling more at home here.
I'm beginning to understand my place.
When to do what.
What to do when.
I like talking to the other staff.
I like interacting with the children.
I love holding the babies.
I don't even mind doing the dishes.
I like that I get to read 9 stories during nap time.
Even though it's hot, I like the bike ride.
This week seems to be going to by quickly!

I carried around a rock that says hope in my pocket today!
It worked. ;-)

a tad bit about from Phoenix

I'm sorry I haven't written on here recently. I feel like I have so much to say, but it's not coming out! Eh, no need to force myself. Ya'll have my email address. What I will say is that downtown Phoenix public library is sooooo nice! It's five stories of chic building! We've spent a few hours here today and I'm already infatuated.

Oh!!! It's been blazing hot pretty much every single day since we arrived. And then...last night...upon exiting our dinner location...it was pouring rain!! There was a thunder storm and I ran out into it without any inhibitions whatsoever. I'm not sure I've ever been so happy about rain! It was glorious and joy filled.

Some photos:

The giant cactus stationed outside the YMCA.

My housemates Eileen and Vanessa.

The beautiful exterior of the church we attended last Sunday.

And its even more spectacular interior!

And so I go.

let's hope it works out!

Let the fittings begin! (7/28)

she's really beautiful isn't she?

thank you for this

It definitely was a group effort that allowed me to read Franny and Zooey and I'm so grateful! FM1 and FM2 thank you for letting me borrow it and stay up all night reading. And thank you to someone else for encouraging me to finish. It was necessary.



FRANNY: "Just because I'm so horribly conditioned to accept everybody else's values, and just because I like applause and people to rave about me, doesn't make it right. I'm ashamed of it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody. I'm sick of myself and everybody else that wants to make some kind of a splash."


ZOOEY: "The idea, really, is that sooner or later, completely on its own, the prayer moves from the lips and the head down to a center in the heart and becomes an automatic function in the person, right along with the heartbeat. And then, after a time, once the prayer is automatic in the heart, the person is supposed to enter into the so-called reality of things."

"In the first place, you're way off when you start railing at things and people instead of at yourself. We both are."

FRANNY: "I got the idea in my head that college was just one more dopey, inane place in the world dedicated to piling up treasure on earth and everything. I mean treasure is treasure, for heaven's sake. What's the difference whether the treasure is money, or property, or even culture, or even just plain knowledge? It all seemed exactly the same thing to me, if you take off the wrapping- and it still does! Sometimes I think that knowledge-when it's knowledge for knowledge's sake, anyway-is the worst of all. I don't think it would have all got me quite so down if just once in a while there was at least some polite little perfunctory implication that knowledge should lead to wisdom."

ZOOEY: "The part that stumps me is that I can't see why anybody-unless he was a child, or an angel, or a lucky simpleton like the pilgrim-would even want to say the prayer to a Jesus who was the least bit different from the way he looks and sounds in the New Testament. My God! He's only the most intelligent man in the Bible, that's all! Who isn't he head and shoulders over? Who? Both Testaments are full of pundits, prophets, disciples, favorite sons, Solomons, Isaiahs, Davids, Pauls- but, my God, who besides Jesus really knew which end was up? Nobody. Not Moses. Don't tell me Moses. He was a nice man, and he kept in beautiful touch with his God, and all that- but that's exactly the point. He had to keep in touch. Jesus realized there is no separation from God."

Sufjan has a new album finally!

enough said.

"Via con Dios"

That's what Fr. Al said to me last night during Fr. Charlie's dinner.
It was beautiful.

Go with God.

That will be the only thing I'm going with.
And hopefully the only thing necessary.
I cried on Saturday night.
My life is in Berkeley.
The majority of my friends are here.
My best memories.
I've only been in love here.
I've walked the streets in so many parts of the city.
I know what lies beneath the sidewalks of campus.
I've spent all night in the library.
I've spent all day at the preschool.
I've lived predominantly at Newman.

I cried so much last night.
John and I sat in mass and wept.
Wept.

Newman has been my family.
Last night,
We sang together.
We prayed together.
We held hands.
We were silent.
We even laughed out loud at some points.
Just as it's always been.

I will neither be here, nor with the rest of my family in Madera.
I will not be able to help plan the weddings.
I will not be around to witness the excitement
and to ease the stress.
I am going to miss out on SO MUCH.
And yet, via con Dios.

I will be going with God.
There is nothing more that I could ask for.

MORE Congratulations!

My sister and Nick got engaged yesterday!

This is going to be exciting!

I love it, I love it, I love it!

Congratulations!

My brother got engaged today.

They walked along the beach
and came upon a heart in the sand
with the words
Marry me Jamie? written inside

To Adam and Jamie:
I love you

watch it unfold:

Wedding photos!

In case you didn't know, my best friend got married on June 20th in Utah.

Here's to an amazing eternity together Leila and Zach!

Isn't she lovely?